We are less than two months away from the end of law school. (!!) Kenny graduates in the middle of May and I just can’t believe it. And I am so happy to report that we’ll be moving back to Utah! We certainly did not see that coming three years ago, but we’re both 100% on board with the change of plans and so grateful for the way it’s all worked out. LA has been such a great experience, but Utah is where my people are. I can’t wait to be back.
Along with the excitement of the end being in sight, there’s also a fair amount of uncertainty. Kenny will be studying for and taking the bar very soon (…so glad it’s not me). He’s also interviewing for jobs and we’re crossing our fingers that the right one works out seamlessly. We don’t know where exactly we’ll live, what exactly we’ll be doing, and how exactly we’ll be supporting ourselves… but I’m feeling strangely confident that it will all be fine.
On the fertility front, we have no news to report yet, except that I’m seeing a doctor I love here in LA and we are full-speed ahead on the big-time fertility treatments. They have been more emotionally taxing than I expected, but physically no big deal. IVF is next on the docket, which I still can’t believe. In some ways, I can say I never ever would have thought we’d get to this point. In other ways, I feel like I always knew we would — I know that doesn’t make sense. There’s one more hurdle to cross (a minor surgery) before the actual IVF begins since I apparently have MORE stuff wrong with me than we all knew (unrelated to endometriosis) but I feel okay about that and just want to get it done so we can move forward.
I’m busy with a lot of things at the moment — too many things, actually. I’ve filled my plate a bit too full. I’m working two and a half jobs, going to school full time (online, so not THAT big of a deal, except for some reason I took five classes this semester), and working in Primary at church. Those things added to balancing fertility stuff, going on two (super-fun) trips this month, having visitors here, and you know, cleaning the apartment and buying groceries and remembering to eat and all the other stuff sure feels like a lot right now. My life is FULL. They are all good things though and I’m so so grateful to be busy at this stage. But I’m so looking forward to summer and letting a few of those things fall off the radar as we move back home. I definitely prefer a slower pace to my life.
So once again, I find myself living life in limbo, waiting and wondering. Few things are in my control at this moment and it seems that everything about our future is laying in the hands of other people and circumstances. But — I am confident and hopeful about the future. I know all these worries will work out… and that they will then be replaced by new ones because isn’t that just how life seems to go? Once again, I learn that contentment is always within my grasp. Once again, I learn that my happiness doesn’t have to depend on my circumstances. Once again, I learn that life is hard, but it’s okay.